Coffee, Beans, and Dogs
Never tell anybody how to make their coffee, cook their beans, or try to order their dog around. They may hear what you say, even give you a nod, but they’ll go right back to what they know to be good in their eyes. The dog? Hell! He’ll just bite you!
All religious arguments boil down to just one thing. “My invisible guy in the sky can whip your invisible guy in the sky!” And neither contestant has ever seen their particular guy in the sky. That’s schizophrenia. Archeologists tell us the Native Americans came across the Bering Strait during the last global warming event, hiked to Teotihuacán and built a YMCA. The Mormons believe they booked passage on Carnival Lines and sailed here, God changed them from Hebrews to Arapahos, and they went on eventually to build New York City. Now I’m not doubting the fact that the Jews were instrumental in laying out Wall Street, but the song remains the same. They were there and now they’re here and they didn’t book a flight! That’s called reality and lots of people have a problem with that.
Believing something is good, but forcing that belief into someone else’s head is not so good. In order to do that you must get around their understanding of their beans. The best you can ever hope for is a consensus of herbs and spices and the worst is the inevitable ruin of Thanksgiving Dinner. In the end the dog gets the turkey.
The understanding of such matters is beyond the mind of man,although it’s not beyond the understanding of women, but that’s for another article.
Remember I have told you, “God made man, man made religion, and religion gave us theology. Theology evolves. God is eternal. Religion is not! That’s why the Book of Mormon has had over 3,000 corrections. Now don’t rag on the Mormons. The same applies to all “scripture” and The Karma Sutra. On April 8 we are going to have an eclipse right here in Central Texas. The apex is gonna pass right over the H.E.B parking lot in beautiful downtown Killeen Texas! Before that Killeen’s only claim to fame was a couple mass shootings, Luby’s and Fort Hood (sorry about that Killeen Chamber of Commerce). Five hundred years ago when there was an eclipse the natives used to chunk a few virgins into an oven. Now tourists just show up in Killeen and buy up all the snacks and beer at the Valero. You know, you grow.
People will buy into anything they burn in their crazy mind. As long as some clever provocateur can convince them that they thought of it all by themselves. This is done by giving the mark, I mean disciple just enough dots to think about and then wait for them to make any sort of connection. If they don’t fit just stretch it a bit and tell the congregation it’s a leap of faith. Can I have an Amen? With a little spit and polish you have dogma. And truth has nothing to do with it. Hitler tells us in his best seller, Mein Kamph, that if you are going to tell a lie tell a good one. Then if you repeat it long enough it will become “the Truth.” Then it becomes dogma and then all you have to do is pass the plate. Golden Tablets!
And people looking for direction will believe. They will hang onto almost any proposition that convinces them that they won’t end up in the ground pushing up home grown tomatoes. And if their holy book doesn’t exactly match up with Joel Osteen’s prosperity gospel, why he’ll just smooth off the rough edges and laugh all the way to the bank. You’ve seen it. Auditoriums filled with people who had just put in a week working at Walmart waving their hands in the air like they don’t care and throwing their paychecks at some televangelist as he slaps some old lady out of her wheelchair and tells COVID to “Skat!”
But it’s all for the glory of God, right? Verily verily I say unto you, “There is a fine line between God and God Damn and God never sleeps!” There are only Ten Commandments, not nine, or nine point five, and the Pope cannot count to ten! For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. Trying to skirt around the reward for sinning is what gave us over 45,000 “Christian denominations worldwide and every one of them will tell you that they and only they have “The Truth.”
To athis end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice. Pilate saith unto him, What is truth?
One divided by forty-five thousand. Do the math. That gives each denomination one forty fifth thousandth of The “Truth.” From Methodist to Mormon to snake charmers in Arkansas, they all have “The Truth.” And the Truth will set you free, but first you have got to get “Free” of all the adjectives, translations, and televangelists. Cast your bread upon the water and you’ll get back a sandwich so long as you can dodge the scythe and pay the tithe.
The earth is 4.543 billion years old if you’re an archaeologist or 6,000 years old if you’re a Baptist, but either way your lease on your meat suit runs about 76.33 years if you live in America. 73.7 years in Texas unless you live in Houston where the expectancy is adjusted according to ward. Fifth ward? Not so good. Let’s agree that the planet had been around for a full minute before you were born, and Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise will be around for a considerable time long after you’re gone. Unless you cause World War 3, 4, or whichever one we’re on during your tour of duty on the third rock from the sun. At any rate you won’t be remembered in one hundred years or so and your grave will be part of a whacker-packed foundation pad of some shopping mall in yes, Killeen Texas! You’ll make no difference to anyone but yourself and you’ll be unconscious laying there waiting for the resurrection.
As for me? I will make my movies, write and buy an RV. One of them self leveling types with a built-in generator that comes on when you need it. Then I’m gonna pick up a case of Jim Beam and run by 6th Street to find a girl who has nothing better to do but run out to Ocatillo Wells with me and act like we’re not having a good time. Praise the Lord! (Betcha ain’t mad?)
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