The Devil’s Back Door

 



I was watching a service this week where the pastor was getting on Joel Osteen and his Prosperity Theology. For the uninitiated let me explain the Reverend Osteen’s take on God. Cast thy bread upon the water and God will give you a B.L.T. Yeah. That’s about it. Pass the plate and praise the Lord! And if you believe that do I have a bridge for you!

 

You can justify just about anything by performing selective surgery on the Bible. “Out of Context” is the order of the day. The addition or subtraction of a single word can shift the meaning of a passage to make it conform to the message of any preacher who has an airplane to pay for. And the Devil is the best lawyer you’ve ever met.

 

Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, or Linda Blair, the song remains the same. You attract more flies with sugar than you do with salt, but all brownies have a pinch of salt. Sinning is fun. That’s why we do it. I should know. When it comes to sinning, I am a connoisseur. Here. Hold this brownie. Now, where were we?

 

Evil is not always standoffish, clearly discernible horror. Some evil tastes sweet. Justification makes it sweeter, but when you swallow the brownie it always ends in diarrhea. And why would the Devil do this? He’s not a dumb guy. He was the Angel of Light. Right next to the throne. He knows the deal, and yet everything he does is designed to thwart God’s plan for man. You’d think that he’d be at least as smart as a meth dealer in LA. 

Well, he is. He knows the Bible far better than Joel Osteen. And he’s a better writer than me. Wait! I take that back. He’s a better writer than

Hemingway.Yeah, I’m a better writer than Hemingway. Not that I don’t admire him. All but that shotgun thing at the end. That sucked. There. That’s better. And he knows how to confuse lies and with truth to confuse us. The Muslims tell us if you have just a little dog poop in your hand you still have dog poop in your hand, and Joel Osteens Prosperity Gospel is dog poop!

 

Jesus made salvation simple because He knew he was dealing with us. Recognize Him as Lord and say you’re sorry. In the words of the Prophet, Larry the Cable Guy, “Lord, I’m sorry I did that. I promise I won’t do that anymore.” And what’s the limit at checkout. Jesus said seventy times seven, but He just owns the store so what do I know. So how do you screw that up. Lucifer, your thoughts.

 

You tell people that prosperity itself is proof of God’s blessing. You make them believe that you can work your way into grace by giving to a televangelist. There is no sin, no Ten Commandments, why those were just suggestions. You can do anything you want but for Satan’s sake do not repent and ask forgiveness for your sins no matter what. The “R” word! Repent! Admit that you used that free will God gave you to be just a little too free with that sister-in-law. Yeah. Been there, done that. I come from a Mormon family, but I digress.



Bill the Butcher 

 

And the only sin that can be unforgivable is to blaspheme the Holy Spirit. Because the Holy Spirit is part of the Trinity and you can’t be forgiven if you cuss out the forgiveness guy. The Comforter. “That’s ok! Go and sin no more!” Of course you will, but that’s what the seventy times seven is for. Just admit it, say you’re sorry, and Jesus gives you a pass. And hopefully you won’t use up your seventy times seven before you figure out in the lifestyle of wine, women, and song the song remains the same and it is not a water-soaked B. L. T. Served up at some cockamamie church in Houston Texas! Keep you from repenting. That’s Satan’s back door. A way to make you believe that you aren’t accountable. A way to keep you from saying that one word. Can I have an “Amen?” Brownies for everyone!




 





 

 


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