To Lay With as Poodle as You Would With a Chihuahua

 

Queer

. . . denoting or relating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.

 

In man’s arrogance he imagines that a forebrain is the sole possession of the shaved ape. That would be us. That’s why esteemed scientists all over the world continue to try to get silverbacks to recite the Declaration of Independence with varying levels of success. It was believed to have been achieved not long ago during the attempted impeachment of Donald Trump until it was discovered the subjects being studied were actually members of Congress. While such a distinction may seem to be a stretch it becomes understandable at times when one considers representatives from California or New York. Be that as it may the line between homo sapien and homosexual can be a thin one until the investigations begin.

 

It is pointed out that you cannot consider a fish as having lower intelligence simply because it can’t climb a tree. Back in the day tree climbing was a revered course of hours of play for children but that has fallen in popularity of late because it isn’t possible to tree climb while holding a cell phone. And the tradition of carving such as “Billy Bob loves Charlene” inside of a heart fell from favor after Billy Bob became Ellen. A tree no longer grew in Brooklyn after that. Now, where was I?

 

In spite of the noble efforts of such as the separation of various preferences into LBTGQ or any other alphabet groups the term “queer” still rears its pink head among the old school who restrict genders to only two. Enter pronouns. It is no longer what you are, it’s what you “think” you are. “Don’t believe your lying eyes.” The Crocodile Dundee test for gender is no longer accepted as verifiable proof of preferred sexuality, having been supplanted by sixty-two genders and counting.

 

Years ago every southern town had “Town Queer.” You remember. Uncle Virgil who spoke articulately, frequently wore a stylish cape, and while the ladies of the Shreveport Garden Club fawned over him, he never married one of them, not even one of the widows and was pretty well left alone by the men of town.

 

From there the now famous “closet” had come upon. Apparently, the more flamboyant of the cross section of the gentle society had been hanging out in there and suddenly the par excellence was bestowed upon those brave souls, such as Ellen Degenerate who bared their inner souls to society and subsequently tossed caution, and their careers to the wind.

 

This evoked a rather remarkable effect on the straight public of a semblance of acceptance, if not in private moments at least when Mr He and He showed up at cocktail parties and the conversation turned to anything but what was really on everyone’s mind. Interesting to note that this took a bit longer to catch on at a Texas Beer Bust.

 

If this new understanding had just stopped there things might have been acceptable with Town Queer lurking in the shadows and John Wayne Westerns riding off into the sunset but human nature being what it is, while a little dab might do ya, a jab is deemed to be so much better.

 

Why just come out of the closet when you can rule the house? Deviate sex went from “don’t look at it” to “in your face!” Or rather “on your face” whichever the case may be. The more radical segments of this population began to surface and professed a certain level of pride, which if you ever went to Sunday School you know pride is one of the seven deadly sins and is the Devil’s mistake in his own heavenly revolution which resulted in God sending him to Fire Island. Deadly sins are those that take over your life to the exclusion of everything else. Everything from whiskey to a girlfriend, they can all become deadly if you do not keep them in a box, or rather closet. And in reality we all have our respective closets. It just depends upon what’s hanging there for all have sinned, all have fallen short of the glory. And if you want to see the fall of man I can think of no better place than a gay pride parade in beautiful downtown Austin Texas or a Drag Queen reading “My Little Pony” to an audience of pre-schoolers in a public library. Can I get an “ Amen?”

 

You cannot address this if you are not allowed to call it what it is. Queer! There is male, female, and queer. Like the Blacks the word “Queer” has become one of those “special” words such as “The ‘N’ Word,” or “Jew” licensed only to certain segments of society who will treat them with loving care. Such a designation does not extend to the word, “Cracker.” There is no protection for “The ‘C’ word” in America. Those of the Caucasian Persuasion have no recourse.

 

No better way for a decided minority to silence the accepted majority than to redefine the language. Burn the books of memory until the lies slowly become “the truth” because “everybody knows that!”  But never forget that pendulum. The social political pendulum swings both ways. It never stays still. Common sense prevailed at key points of the swings. And aren’t a-changing to a stagnant position, they’re always changing. And those that’ll be hurt are the ones who stalled.

 

So what does this all have to do with animal intelligence? Ninety-nine percent of all living creatures have become extinct. The earliest Homo sapiens date back about 200,000 years. The earliest form of life on earth is around 3.8 billion years. That means we’ve been around for .000526 of one percent. We haven’t made a dent in the history of the world much bigger than The Beatles. Learn it, live it, love it.

 

God gave all animals survivability software. Run from lion. Eat smallest puppy. Don’t eat rock. Simple stuff. Surprisingly animals have cognitive reasoning. Put a crow in a room with a morsel of food at the bottom of a test tube acceptable to a crow, leave a paper clip beside it and see how quick that paper clip becomes a hook to fish out the food. “So what?” You might say. A bird finds a paper clip. That’s all he needed to satisfy his needs!  Needs are defined by the needy. Man got his woman . . .he got the power, she got the need. Woman! Long hair at one end, two holes at the other. That’s all man needs to satisfy his need. What else does he need? Yet women are demonstrably cleverer than man. Enter the story of the Chihuahua and the Poodle.

 

There is a chair. Now a fancy thing, just one of those fold out contraptions that can’t stand a moderate wind, but just so happens to be the Chihuahua’s bed of choice. She needs the chair. Unfortunately, the Poodle vies for accommodations on the same chair and therein is the problem. It needs to be said that the Chihuahua is nine years old and the Poodle less than two which makes the Poodle a young whipper-snapper while the Chihuahua is a wise, old Mexican.

 

The Poodle routinely crowds the Chihuahua out on the chair, disrupting her afternoon siesta. Then one day, while both were on the chair the Chihuahua suddenly perked her ears and growled and barked into the air. The Poodle, ever vigilant for controversy leapt into the air, off the chair and went charging off to . . . Somewhere!

 

Alas, there was no intruder. Upon returning the Poodle made ready to jump up on the chair again, only now the Chihuahua had enough and covered the chair baring her teeth, and she wasn’t smiling. Aged treachery will beat youthful exuberance every time.

 

Homosexuality sees a need where no need exists. Only negativity, anger and one hell of a suicide rate. The lady Chihuahua didn’t want to lay with the lady Poodle and a man does not need to lay with a man as he would with a woman.