All The Cash!

 

Somewhere around 2020, or so, I wrote an article concerning masks. At the time as you may recall, we were ordered to recite a litany of rules before leaving the house, eat Thanksgiving, or do any manner of things we used to do without thinking. First and foremost, among these were masks. Masks were on the top of the list. At first the kind didn’t matter. Only that we were following orders from the Oberführer Fauci. The CDC imposed this in order to inhibit the travel of the virus bequeathed, known as SARS-CoV-2 to us by China. I’ll just call it COVID for short. But this critter was about 100 nanometers in diameter. Now I’m no doctor, but I figure that if you stuck an object up your butt that was 100 nanometers in diameter you most likely wouldn’t notice it, no offense to the LBGTQ community. I checked the measurements of the pores in the material used in various paper and cloth masks required by the government and without boring you with “This by This Squared” stuff, I noticed they were talking millimeters while the virus was measured in nanometers. In my rudimentary Spanish I noticed  “Nano” being close enough to “Nada” ie none, told me that the virus was smaller than the holes in the masks which were measured in millimeters as in “million”  and I deduced that mil goes over nano once with nada left over so it only goes to follow  should any mask be developed that would completely stop the virus trying to draw air through such a mask would be akin to sucking a golf ball through a water hose.

 

But we were required. Even people driving alone in their car through the West Texas desert had to be masked. This was also about the time that six feet was the agreed upon range of a virus released into the air, not taking wind into account that may produce rogue viruses capable of more distance. Therefore, we all ended up standing on pre-printed footprints, six feet apart in the pharmacy waiting to get our COVID booster just in case the vaccine didn’t kill us right off. You can’t make this up, folks. We really did that!

 

One day, while standing in the bank with my mask on and my feet properly placed I began to notice something. Please understand that I grew up in Simmonsville Texas. We were the whitest trash you ever saw. My life’s ambition at sixteen was to steal enough hubcaps to be promoted to certified car thief. So I’m standing there, waiting in line to make my deposit and I thought “Bank! “Mask!” And realized with very little effort and a pistol one could make one HELL of a withdrawal. Ah! Oh, for the good old days! But, I’m just too old and so I just wrote an article about an old man who does exactly that and robs a bank. So, I didn’t rob a bank I just wrote about it.

 

Then today I was vindicated! Nassau County up in New York passed a controversial law. Henceforth and forevermore anyone caught wearing a mask without a medical or religious permit is subject to a thousand dollar fine and up to one year in jail! THEY’RE ROBBING THE BANKS! Bonnie and Clyde are rolling in their graves! I had a money making idea. Of course, it’s all Federal Reserve Notes but they’re good in Mexico.

 

So, you will see more and more that lingers from the Great Pandemic. Out of school kids educated by unemployed day drinkers. Alzheimer’s outpatients in the White House and now innovative ideas for finance. We have made lemonade out of fentanyl! God Bless ‘Merika!