Superman Can’t Really Fly Either

 

 

 

Sometimes the hand of God even gets involved in things that you’d think He wouldn’t notice. When I saw Jake Paul bow to Mike Tyson I got this warm fuzzy from hell. And, as I’ve been known to do, I wrote this Gen Z hating bunch of patriotic crap about the good old days where men were men, women were women, and sheep were nervous. God, it was beautiful! Talking about how back in the old days we knew entertainment from news and we went to movies to be entertained and, now get this: We knew Superman couldn’t fly. Boomers were smart like that. All but Tinkerbell. I wanted to marry her at eight years old. I’ve been attracted to short chicks ever since.

 

Right about the time I was blocking and texting it the article just disappeared! I mean I saved it after putting in a picture of two sets of boxing gloves in an empty ring and there weren’t nothing left ‘cept the first paragraph.  Now I’m not saying this has never happened to me, but I am saying that it hasn’t happened since 1999. And considering that I was a drunk until five years ago that’s quite a feat! I mean, I go through great lengths making sure my stuff is secure and use top of the line equipment. As a matter of fact I was saving the completed article when it became as unsaved as a fallen away Baptist.

 

I started to try again but the article wasn’t history changing. Really. Some YouTube influencer takes on Mike Tyson. First off, I never heard of Jake Paul. Either in his YouTube career or in his pugilistic endeavors. Matter of fact I couldn’t tell you the name of one boxer since Mike hung up his gloves. I figured nobody would ever outdo Mike Tyson. He could kick Goliath’s ass in the first round and didn’t need no rocks! So where’s boxing gonna go from there?

 

It went to YouTube hell, that’s where it went. In a world where a guy commits suicide because his AI girlfriend cheated on him what do you expect?One of my grandsons actually hung up on a call with a girl to finish a game online. So what do we have. Dancing With The Stars from beautiful downtown Arlington Texas. Shut the front door. And NetFlix carried it. Ya’ll remember Netflix don’t you?  The pay service that’s so bad you go over to TubiTV for a movie worth watching. But they had the fight of the century. And I watched it! My stupid ass sat there waiting on Iron Mike to mop up the ring with this hippie. Hippie? Boy! Sure dated myself there, didn’t I? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. The fight of the century!

 

I kinda began to catch on when Jake was holding Mike up in the final rounds. And when he whispered sweet nothings in his ear when Mike’s glove accidentally found its mark. I found out later that Mike had left his walking stick in his corner. Jesus Christ sitting next to God Almighty waiting on me to show up naked! It all stopped and Jake Paul did this bow like a Shakespearean actor while Mike Tyson stood there like Morgan Freeman accepting an Oscar. And when did they go to eight two-minute rounds. Sounded like my sex life. Not the number of rounds, I’m well beyond that , the two minutes. Anyway. What was that! A fight paid for out of Social Security?

 

What is next? A bout between Biden and Trump and Biden outpoints Trump IF he can find the ring? How about Whoopie vs Oprah. Call it the Diddy Diddy Bang Bang. Look folks. We all have known since Gorgeous George that wrestling was choreographed, ok? Could it be that boxing just slipped between the cracks? I mean, consider; Two guys slamming it out like two Roman gladiators is a bit archaic, wouldn’t you think?  But, are you not entertained? As for me, I’m holding out for the last vestige of true competition. The one event that’s just too messy, too disorganized to be corrupted. The last exhibition of American ingenuity. It combines competition, misogyny, gay and women’s rights. Lesbian mud wrestling! Let the games begin!