Wedding Bells Never Rang For Jesus

 

Wedding bells never rang for Jesus. There is this guy,  “The Naked Archeologist.” He tools around The Middle East digging up bones and stones in an effort to clarify The Bible. First, he is clarifying scripture with a Jewish slant. Half a cap and all. Write that down. There’ll be a test later.

 

I routinely listen to Rabbis. As observers of the human condition Rabbis are par excellence! With thousands of years of study their advice on who to marry, what to eat, and money exceeds even the Mormons, and brothers and sisters that’s going some. But don’t talk to them about Jesus. Just go have a Starbucks and have a nice day.

 

Jewish Rabbis are experts in Hebrew. That goes without saying. No other people, or language has survived this long. Descendants of the Roman’s no longer speak Latin, but Hebrew is the official language of Israel. Now that’s a trick! And they are the experts, chosen by God to define the meaning of the words.

 

Now, I’ll agree that words have meaning but when a language is as dead as Hebrew, and you must depend on one brand if preacher to tell you that meaning, well, what could go wrong, Right?There are the words, and then there is the understanding of those words as they relate to the other words that further clarify them in a given document. Other conditions such as inflection come into play where you pause, take a breath and decide on loud or soft, absolute or elusive and if all goes right these ingredients come together as something known as “communication.”

 

If you say or write something and your readers or listeners understand the ideas that you are putting forth you have achieved communication. And in order to reach that understanding you need to understand the people who wrote those words and the world view that formed those people. This is called context, ie “What the hell were they really trying to say?” And that, friends and neighbors is where you must employ common sense. The idea must fit all the above to make some kind of sense. In Ebonics, for instance there is a vast difference between “Yo! Ma Ma,” and “Yo Ma Ma!” One get’s you a date while the other gets you shot in Chicago.

So it is with Jesus’s marital status. To attach the term “marital status” to Jesus fits about as well as asking someone at the dinner table to “please pass the piano!” Context. It is not a sin for a Rabbi to be married. In fact, it’s expected. The Mormons have this theory that the wedding at Cana was in fact Jesus’s wedding. Several things wrong with this. When Mary  informed Jesus that it was last call for alcohol He asked her what business was it of His? That implied that Jesus was a guest. He was there for the party. But Mary knew Jesus was the Candy Man, and the Candy Man can! Voila! Mogen David for the house!

 

References of Jesus and Mary Magdalene being married at that wedding. The Naked guy says that Paul skewed his epistles to cover this up. But none of the tradition coming down mentions this all the way  from the disciples, church fathers or anyone else up to and including the missionaries who Jesus told to shake the dust from their shoes if the people they witnessed to didn’t receive the Good News, even the Muslims in the Qu’ran. Peter and his wife were killed by Nero and when Peter saw his wife being led to her death he called out to her, “Oh Thou! Remember the Lord!” Don’t you think if Jesus were hooked up someone besides Crazy Thomas would have brought it up?

 

And what is the proof? Some tablets found in Qumran had lettering and spacing similar to writings found in some other locations, and Naked Guy takes this to mean that the word “Magdalene” translates as “Tower.” Who said? She was “The lady who lived in a tower?” Therefore she must’ve been a pagan who found the one true God, caught religion, followed Jesus around like a groupie at a Beatles concert and finally married Him and they became the precursors of Jim and Tammy Baker in the first century AD! Praise de Lawd and de Mormon church!  Sure! Lol And I’m the Pope’s grandfather. Naked guy says “Magdalene” means “tower.” It could mean “Best Little Whorehouse in Israel.” Context, inflection, and common sense!

 

Little inferences such as this can cause you to question and lose your faith. There are those who exude an aura of authority that circumvents all that you’ve believed. And that’s what they do. Rabbis get all bent out of shape if a Christian expresses an opinion about the Torah yet deny the Second Coming after having missed the first! And those like the Naked Rabbi explain the meaning of writings and words from a language that is as dead as Billy Beer.

 

So no, Jesus wasn’t married. He wasn’t gay, tranny or Catholic and Judas was not his boyfriend. He was God made flesh come down to explain things to us in plain whatever you speak. And a little child shall lead them, and you you wanna know why? Because when God talks to us like adults, we don’t listen!