Christians, Pagans, and Horny Helmets

 

 

 

I have a friend. He lives off in Norway or somewhere we had to snatch away from Hitler back in the day when he was in town trying to kill all the bankers, but that’s a tale for another time. Anyway, he’s got this YouTube channel where he sits out in the woods, drinking coffee with this little fire. He addressed basically the same stuff we all wonder about. But he comes at it from a different slant. He says he’s a pagan.

 

Now I am hard pressed to admit that there’s anything I know nothing about, but I’m totally ignorant about pagans. All except the blood eagle which is . . . special. How in the world did anyone ever come up with dragging someone’s lungs out their back and strapping them to a tree with their disembodied lungs portraying eagle’s wings, and how did anybody ever live long enough to get hung up in the tree. I definitely would not want to slap his sister!

 

But that having been said, I didn’t know there was any of these cats still around, and if there was then how did Hitler get past the county line. My friend ain’t like that. He’s a pleasant sort of guy, long hair like me, fairly laid back. Has this “Ya Suuure” accent that lends to the effect on his video. But what I’m discussing here is that pagan thing.

 

I really am at a loss on this one. I’ve never seen any pagans around Austin, and we got some deviations down here, let me tell you! I’m not gonna talk details here but ya’ll know what I’m talking about. Sixth Street. Uh huh! Anyway. The only pagan I know anything about is Thor. He’s some kinda god and spirts thus sledge hammer that he slings around his head and it jerks him off to Albuquerque or somewhere. You don’t come up with that idea after a good, strong cup of coffee. Sorry Bjorn.That’s my friend’s name.

 

But other than that I am clueless about the where’s and where fir’s of paganism. What is their creed? Do they have a belief in the afterlife? What did Jesus say about them? And I dug into my Bible. Found in Romans, and I’m gonna paraphrase here, that you can’t actually sin unless you know better. That shoots down that idea that ignorance of the law is no excuse because if you don’t know it’s bad for you how can you enjoy it?

 

But here’s my point. Like Peter said, I am a sinner. My confession was always just run through the Ten Commandments and the priest would give me a gazillion Hail Marys for the ones I’d broke just that week. My guardian angel sat on my right shoulder but there was this other fella over on the left, and, well, he always bought the drinks if you know where I’m going. But back to my addressing pagans.

 

I would suppose that their moral code is a tad more relaxed than the New Testament. And the only Norwegian girls I’ve ever seen look like Taylor Swift. Or like she used to look before she voted for Harris. So I did the math. Short beautiful blonde with the morals of a pancake. How can I be leading her into sin when she’s been running through the woods with Bjorn in sheep’s skin? How can you drag her into sin when you drag her off into the woods? Only problem now is where do I come up with a horny helmet?