Born in East LA

 

Born In East LA

This immigration thing ain’t hard to understand if you take it from a purely Texas point of view. Little known historical fact: After the battle of San Jacinto in 1836 nobody had any plans to go back to Mexico. First they changed the name of the town to Houston and then sent all the captured soldiers there. How do you think we came up with the fifth ward homie?

So, from then to very recently there was no immigration problem. There was Texas, Mexico, and TexMex. What do you think Taco Bell is? A phone company? When I was growing up every Chicano family had at least one member we called “Nationals,” and they’d always find a job pouring concrete on Fort Hood. You ever see a Hombre Blanco pouring concrete? And my school friends had lots of sisters. All Mexican girls are born fully grown. All the gringo girls looked like Olive Oyle. And a brother named Santos. You’d hear about him at the county jail.

The problem with Trump is one of identification. To the Texan everybody south of Laredo is a Mexican. It don’t matter what they call their country. That’ll change in the next revolution. But it ain’t the same. Take Puerto Rico for instance. They were swimming here so fast we had to make them a territory. They couldn’t be a state because they’re all Catholic and separation of church and state, you know. And they all come up here and run to New York. Now I ask you; What self respecting Mexican would choose New York over Austin?

So we had commerce for years. And that little mud puddle they call a border didn’t bother nobody. Once in a while they’d round up a few wading across who’s family didn’t want up here anyway. But by and large we turned immigration into intermingle. I even married one of my ex-wives in Mexico. My senior trip in high school was to “Boy’s Town.”

The theory about Mexicans coming up here taking American jobs don’t make sense. If a Mexican takes your job you got a messed up job! When a white person hits the skids, where does he go? Some street corner with his dog, a shopping cart, and a cardboard sign. Where does a Mexican go? Home Depot! How many white guys do you see hanging around the parking lot at Home Depot and how many Mexicans are on the corner with a shopping cart?

So the big push is to push all the Latinos back across the border? So, you like five-dollar lettuce huh? And who’s gonna build your wall? A Tran? We don’t have an immigration problem! We have a Yankee problem. I say that we need to make all Yankees coming to Texas have a green card. Except people from California. Just stop them at the border and direct them to Canada.

Like all things, this too, will pass. One day we’re gonna all meet in San Antonio for Cinco de Mayo. Not Juneteenth! And everyone will laugh and dance and the Mexicans will bring their sisters.