Weird Wilbur’s Texas Blend

 

As Iran turned off the internet Elon Musk activated Starlink for anyone there wanting to overthrow a government. When you’re the richest guy in the world you can do stuff like that. The people of Iran have been under the sandals of whichever religious nut was on top for time and time and half a time in the war against women as outlined in The Goatherder’s Guide to the Universe. And I’ve heard all about how they are remnants of the Persian Empire but somewhere in the Qu’ran there has to be a quote from the Prophet Richard Pryor . . .  Don’t go messing with them Jews without no money!

Religious fundamentalism is a paradox. Basing a modern society on the concepts from long long ago takes a bit of finesse. When Moses came down from the mountain, he brought Ten Commandments, to at least try to convert a bunch of homeboys to something resembling a civilized cohesive unit. The rules were actually quite simple. Things anyone should reasonably know which gives you an idea of the shape they were in when they took off into the desert.

And all holy books thereafter have been translated, examined, explained, and otherwise revised to reflect whoever is passing the plate at the time. From The “Holy” Qu’ran to the Book of Mormon, verily verily I say unto you, get your spiritual advice from a fortune cookie. Read it, then eat the cookie. The body of Buddha.

Jesus was a real man. He really walked the Holy Land, and He really did have a huge impact on history. And if you ask Him to come into your life He really will, and it will make a difference. Sure, there will be bumps in the road along the way. Jesus isn’t into telling you what to do. He accepted the society. Slavery, being subject to an occupation, getting married multiple times and stealing from the register at work. He treated Jew and Gentile alike. He left no writings. No scratches on stone walls. No ancient Jesus slept here plaques. And for two thousand years scoffers and nonbelievers have been trying to get around the fact that He just got up one Sunday morning and walked out of His tomb like He had good sense. And all they can come up with is it is impossible according to their scientific reasoning. Yeah yeah yeah! And honeybees can’t fly. Sit down!

Long about six hundred years after Jesus a man came along. He met an angel in a cave to communicated great truths to him, and some time after his passing these ideas were gathered into an instruction manual based on one thousand and one Arabian nights. Now, don’t tell me this thing hasn’t been edited when I’ve heard from linguists and clerics that the translation of Arabic all depends how you hold your mouth.

Please understand, I’m not casting aspersions on the Islamic faith so keep your fatwa! We all need rules to live by, and I don’t eat pork either. What I object to is the world always concerned by the shenanigans of the holy 4.9%, throws all caution to the wind and everybody starts talking about World War III. Think about that. Take all the time you need. Would you miss one episode of America’s Got Talent for all the Qu’rans in Iran? Me either. Would you change your religion for a peek under that burka? Again, me either. So why should either one of us worry about anything that happens between the Tigris and the Euphrates Rivers?

The Middle East don’t run nothing but its mouth and it’s been running that for far too long. Ok, live and let live, I get it, but them people need to live over there with their camels, man-dresses and their out-of-date theocracies. But, all is not lost. What we need is a great big Mormon presence right there at the Kaaba. And a Super Walmart across the street from the Mosque of Omar. A few busloads of The Friends of Jesus and FLDS EVERYWHERE! They think they’re crazy? We’ll  SHOW them crazy. Paw Paw’s Pentecostal church and BBQ Stand! We got more nuts than a Christmas fruit cake. Send over a bunch of Mexicans from Uvaldè. Those boys are real good at slipping across borders and a little fentanyl never hurt anybody. In no time at all they’ll be more worried about that pipe than them prayers. As a final touch send in the freaked out, multi sexual California psychologists to prescribe LSD and they’ll write a whole new holy book. Do you realize how much west Texas desert there is over there. Look what grows real good in West Texas and SoCal. Now, picture this .  . . Mohammed’s Mowie Wowie! One puff and you’ll see God, or Allah, or a hooker from 6th Street in Austin! Then . . . Leave them alone! Let that camel run! And pray for them. Elon has a plan for that property. Light ‘em up!