A Rose is a Rose

 

 

 

Last night I attended an online lecture about the process of death and another on the psychological effect of revenge. I know, I know . . . too many big words for a Sunday morning but work with me on this.

The lecture on death and dying was hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson and included Venki Ramakrisnan, Nobel Prize Winner as his guest. Now deGrasse is a renowned physicist who stares at the universe and theorizes that it came from Walmart, but I like his style and while he’s just talking about atoms and ants we generally agree. Mr Ramakrisnan ventured into the study of understanding why we eventually die and wrote a book explaining that is somehow linked to getting old and the scientific community cried, “Eureka!” and gave him the scientific Golden Globe Award. (You can’t make this stuff up, folks!)

Little refresher here. I’ve told you, God made man, man made theology, and theology made religion. And never the three shall meet. Attempts at understanding God is like putting mayonnaise on a baloney sandwich. That would be Baptists. Another group of people add lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles. Those are like Lutherans. Then some will switch out the baloney for ham. Mormons! Now there’s a group over in the corner who haven’t said much but they add mustard and ketchup, but you can only eat it if you tell some guy with a collar that you’re sorry that you did. That’s your Catholics. Oh, and they get their orders from a guy in a funny hat. And, now get this, while they all agree that there is one God they don’t agree on anything else and each sandwich chomping division swears to God and five other old white men that they, and only they have this elusive quality known as THE TRUTH! Oh, and the Muslims wanna kill them because they switched out the baloney for ham. (Where’s my Nobel Prize?)

While saying that a relationship with God is at the core of whatever flavor they pursue the simple fact is the driving force is the understanding of women. Just look at the Bible. Apple anyone? Served by a naked blonde who got the idea after eating some mushrooms off the tree which can only explain why she began having a conversation with a talking snake. So, the man did what men always do and ate the apple which led to death, taxes, and the American Way can I get an Amen?

And the Jews started writing this all down. Oh, the Jews. Yeah. Chosen people. Funny hairstyle, language sounds like they’re coughing up their lunch and, oh yeah, they got the truth too. But don’t worry about them right now.

The holy books (All of them) preach God while setting up the rules for chasing women. And they all chase women. Oh, they try not to, but if you look at history, when someone profoundly screwed up there’s a little girl in there somewhere. You heard me right. Did you think they went off after Grandma Moses? You know they didn’t. Stop lying!

Ok, Ok . . . there’s one more driving force that leads man’s attempt at divine divination, DEATH! Oh yes! After fornicating with every comely lass that couldn’t outrun them all the greats from kings to prophets suddenly realize that ED waits for no man and become aware of that great check out line in the sky. And they know they might have some “splaining” to do. Now this is where it really gets convoluted. Did you ever notice that at a funeral, any funeral, you never hear the priest, rabbi, imam, preacher, or witch doctor ever say that the recently deceased was anywhere but in glory? Case in point: Ozzy Osborne! Never in the history of man has there ever been a more hedonistic, irreverent, anti-EVERYTHING than Ozzy Osborne. And I’m cool with that. Man’s gotta do something for a living. There, but by the grace of God, go I! The Apostle Paul reminds us All have sinned. All have fallen short of the glory. Everyone wants to go to heaven, just not today. And as they slowly lose the ability to sin they stop sinning and start preaching. Ozzie was a great songwriter. He was a fantastic showman. A family man who’s grandchildren gathered at his feet before the fireplace to hear the wisdom that he’d gained over the years. Yeah yeah yeah, and I’m gonna be the next prophet of the Mormon Church. If you believe that have I got a bridge for you, and it’s on sale!

Enter the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Image the line at the Pearly Gates. Extending out of sight. In that line is Ozzie, understandably nervous, waiting for Saint Peter to check the book for his name. Peter shakes his head sadly but an angel whispered something to him. “That’s his stage name. Check John Michael Osbourne.” Peter laughs and waves Ozzie in. A famous preacher is next, and assured of his salvation, begins to berate Peter about Ozzie. Right about this time Jesus comes up and asks what’s going on. The preacher tell Jesus how Ozzie portrayed himself on stage an about his lifestyle. Jesus listens and then shows the preacher his hands saying, “I don’t believe you were there.” 

Inside of everyone’s head there is a God Hole. Your God is whatever you think about most of the day. Even atheists have a God Hole. Their God is themselves. But, amazingly, within that God Hole is the understanding of right and wrong. When you cross the line between right and wrong you sin. And you know what that is. No religious expert can tell you. That’s why the Catholic leaves confession still thinking about what he confessed. If Jesus supposedly forgot your sin, why didn’t you? And one day you will have to reconcile all this. And it’s as simple as this: It is true. We all sin. Your nature will win out. You were put here to make little yous. After you serve your purpose it’s time to check in. Judge not lest ye be judged. You will be judged by the same standards that you judge others. And you can’t forgive them until you forgive yourself. The Kingdom of God is within you.

Drop your offering in the plate. I gotta go. Kielia’s waiting for me in the car.

Oh. . . sorry about all that Ozzy, but you can’t write!