The Shaved Ape Meets the Great Spaghetti Monster

 

 

Philosophizing, considering, imagining, you name it, the shaved ape is an extraordinary animal. He is one of the few critters that kills those of his own kind just because. He invents rules he never follows, changes them to fit new situations he finds himself in, and tries to justify himself by inventing immortal beings who amazingly look just like him. Then he calls these beings “God” and insis5: that he, and only he has access to the true God to the exclusion of the thousands of other “one gods” out there counting various sins and stoking the fires of the hell that awaits those who left a skid mark in their holy underwear.

He looks for life in other planets while ignoring millions of forms of life sitting on the bottom of the sea that he has never seen or named. He seeds clouds and then grieves for the little girls who died because he did it. On one religion he expounds “love” while another religion kills a pretty teenage girl for looking good in a pair of Levi’s. Then he passes more laws to regulate the wearing of such jeans in his most holy of places.

Almost without exception his prophets will chase those Levis and then publish a “get out of hell free” card exclusively for only select members of his own sect should they dance with whatever devil is fashionable at the time.

He fills up “Holy” books with theology while completely ignoring the one man who gave the one rule that works universally across all of his “inspired” writings given him by that crazy voice in his head. He invents vast wealth he prints in worthless paper and finally on worthless circuit boards that feed his ego until the next power failure and still can’t figure out how to get a sandwich to a homeless vet on a street corner.

If there is a God, He is one patient individual. Unlike scholars, rabbis, priests and Imams I do not pretend to understand His ways. He made the universe and as an afterthought He made us. If you will note, He made us after He made bacteria. Think about that. Take all the time you need. Perhaps there is a master plan beyond our comprehension. Almost has to be! No way the atoms and galaxies are spinning without somebody or something pulling the strings. I find it amazing that esteemed scientists can come to the conclusion of a Big Bang and not understand there was a big fuse and a big guy to light it. But . . back to paragraph one. The Shaved Ape.