Squawk Coo Coo, Pity Party

 

 The Rev Wilbur

 

Kids of every generation invent terminology that is specific to the era they find themselves dealing with. The biggest mistake someone of an earlier generation can make is to try to apply translations from their generation to the phrases in some vain hope of understanding. Kids do not want to be understood. They want to be different. They want to be set apart from the language of their predecessors because they think in their half-baked brains somehow, someway they have a better idea. If you believe you have some history changing philosophy what better way to promote it than to cloak it behind language that makes no logical connection to the reality you are trying to promote.

In the world of WIFI, trans this or that, and disappearing of time proven methods of negotiating our individual journey to the boneyard the use of language has done away with philosophy, religion, and literature and replaced them with memes, sound bites and gobbilty goop beyond the scope of all previous generations combined. Take “67.” There is no agreed upon definition, only rounds of laughter whenever it is employed. I’m a baby boomer. Back in my day “69” was the thing. The number meant nothing. It invoked the image of a sexual position. All you Alphas think about that. Take all the time you need. Now you must understand that to us old folks, like I said, the number “69” wasn’t used for its numeric value. Position of a couple who were really into each other. So, employing this same technique of understanding to “67” in the transsexual world the only logical conclusion is that “67” is “69” minus a couple inches from the transitioning party.

As you can clearly see using Boomer logic to translate Alpha terminology is a folly at best. Since the newbes are using a smartphone for a brain this new understanding of language is growing exponentially. With acronyms, memes, and numbers now there is no way that Webster can sort and explain the constant addition of new words, phrases or (now get this) hand signals. We had one hand signal; a middle finger! That pretty much said it all and has stood the test of time very well. In response to this I have invented a term and associated method that while does not translate, puts this venacular in the correct bin. I call it “Parroting.” Let me expound. I’m having a conversation with an Alpha. That in and of itself is a mistake because between all the triggers they learned about in school and my use of english the conversation has degraded to a shouting match. At some point one of the Alphaisms is employed. It doesn’t matter which one, it’s a defense mechanism. When in doubt “67” out. First you must consider the source. This did not come from the creature you are talking to. There are no original thoughts coming out of that region. No, this comes from reciting something ingrained in the brain. If you look at the autopsy results of 100 teens (My condolences) you will be hard pressed to find an amygdala! No original thought, no introspection just the mindless repetition of various things fed by AI, fake news, or mysterious friends on the internet. All of which are gospel for the undeveloped mind. And you’ve been having a discussion with one of these.

Want to see how this works? Take the above-mentioned conversation. And it doesn’t matter what the subject is. At the point of ultimate confusion, the antagonist (that would be the kid) reaches back in memory and says,”Pity Party!” Now this has nothing to do with the conversation at hand. You could have been talking about global warming but the Alpha ran out of gas and “parroted” a phrase off their brain stem that fit in their “67” world. If you are a fool you will continue the conversation talking to a parrot. “Squawk Coo Coo, Pity Party!” If you are smart you will concede and leave the room. “Squawk Coo Coo, Pity Party!” “Squawk Coo Coo, Pity Party!”

Also, when you place them in that part of your brain where Bugs Bunny resides it reduces the likelihood of you ever wasting your time trying to connect dots that aren’t there.

Try it . . . You’ll like it!